It’s only natural for a couple to have different interests but what happens when only one partner has a fetish? Your idea of a perfect vacation may be somewhere down south. Whereas your partner would rather explore the castles of Scotland. Your ideal date might include a bucket of popcorn at a blockbuster premiere. While your partner would rather go hiking with you.
Just as you work out those differences in a relationship, it’s possible to overcome the differences you might have in the bedroom.
My Partner Has a Fetish
So you like vanilla sex but your partner wants to tie you up and treat you like a sex slave for a couple of hours? Or you’re the one who’d like to dominate him, while he’d rather cuddle than explore any kind of BDSM? Whatever the case may be, resorting to fetish dating sites in the hopes of meeting someone to replace your partner with is not the only answer.
Below, we discuss a few steps you can take to ensure you’re both satisfied sexually. Even though some might surprise you. Keeping an open mind is crucial in the secrets to fetish sex.
#1: Stay Open-Minded
You need to stay open-minded as you read our suggestions. And you need to keep an open mind when it comes to satisfying your partner’s kink or having him satisfy yours. For instance, you might be into ‘consensual non-consent’. This means your partner is given a green light to have his way with you however he sees fit. And the more aggressive or forceful he is, the better. Y our partner, on the other hand, might not like that idea at all. And would not want to dominate you in any real way.
Key here is not to knock it before you try it.
Maybe you’d like him to tie you up and force himself on you, which he can’t seem to do. But if you weren’t tied up perhaps it might be a little easier for him to at least give dominating a try. Try to think of variations that would serve as a compromise between what you’d like to happen. And what your partner is comfortable with. Take it from there. Perhaps he’ll realize your kink isn’t too far outside his comfort zone. Every once in a while he could indulge you.
#2: Try Being Polygamous
Another suggestion that might shock you is to try and be polygamous with your partner. If your partner, for instance, has an interest in sadism. But you just don’t see yourself ever doing a BDSM scene like that. Consider letting your partner have his fetish satisfied elsewhere.
Talk about this to see if you can agree on the rules about what’s allowed with the third person, and what isn’t.
Obviously, you fear that your partner might leave you
For someone who’s ‘better’ than you or ‘more attractive’ or is simply a better match for him or her. But many long-term partners make their relationships work by allowing each other to have their fantasies satisfied by someone else. Just because you refuse to be punished in bed by him. Doesn’t mean he’d leave you if there was a woman out there he got to satisfy this fetish with. Simply because there are lots of aspects to a relationship other than sex that the two of you agree on perfectly.
#3: Communication is Vital
If you have a kink and your partner is vanilla, there is no magic spell to solve this problem. Making communication absolutely vital in this situation.
It pretty much comes down to making a choice to either talking openly to your partner despite your fear and shame and take the consequences as they come. Or you keep your desires to yourself and lead a life loving that person but sacrificing your personal pleasure.
If you go for the latter, chances are you’ll resort to deception by trying to meet your needs elsewhere with porn or with another person. Mind you, talking to your partner about not being monogamous may clear your conscience. And allow you to stay with thatperson as you take on a lover.
#4: Don’t Judge
There is a huge gap between missionary with the lights off and latex in broad daylight. Which means there is a lot of room for compromise. There are so many fetishes out there that judgment should really be something you forget about.
Kink-shaming is not going to help the situation. And whether it’s you who has the kink or your partner, you both need to be careful about how you talk about this subject.
Lastly, it’s perfectly OK to refuse to be with a selfish lover no matter which side of this spectrum you’re on. Selfish lovers are not cool, and compromise is simply key to making any relationship work.