Good Girl Guide

Independence Guide

Independence Guide
Photo: Independence Guide – Woman under waterfall

Breaking free with this Independence Guide will be a natural healthy progression into learning responsibility of adulthood. It can happen over a year to multiple years. There is no time frame that it will happen over.

Gain a Stable Job

Having a job will give you time to learn about personal responsibilities. It will teach you how to maintain a strict schedule, confidence to maintain healthy professional relationships. Build autonomy by having your own personal source of income. And slowly gain financial saving you can use in the future.

Buying Your Own Things

With the money you have now saved from earning an income, you can begin buying your own personal product’s which may include beauty, health, clothes and sex toys. Buying your own product’s means that you can learn how to use them on your own. It will give you a bigger access to item’s which will make life easier for you.

If you are comfortable enough, you can also begin to experiment with wearing clothes that make you feel appealing or confident. You are able to dress how you would like to. Dressing how you would like to will advertise to the world how you feel about yourself. It can be a great form of self-expression.

If your family have not introduced you through progressing through milestones you can now begin grooming unwanted hair. Buy acne preventative products, use hair styling products and wear makeup.

Create Healthy Boundaries

Exploring the boundaries set by your parents can be difficult within conservative families. Some things you may question include.

  • When is it healthy to kiss or hold your partner in front of people?
  • Should I look unappealing to make my parents feel comfortable?
  • Where can I fulfil my sexual needs in a safe environment?
  • Can I learn sexual values from everything around you.

You will find answers from a variety of sources which may be the internet or personal experimentation. Then you can begin to decide what healthy boundaries to have are. These views will challenge your parent’s value system.

Setting Boundaries Quote
Image: Independence Guide – Brene Brown Quote

Talk to People

Have an open discussion with family members who experience the over parenting. Learn about how they coped with growing up. Find out what boundaries they had put in place. Ask your partner’s parents if you can sleep at their house. This way you will have a safe environment to experience affection and your sexuality.

Be Aware of Unintended Consequences

Having no safe place to have sex people find themselves having sex in public places. People find themselves walking into public areas that they wouldn’t normally. They may go to forested areas, gold courses and beaches. This can in turn, lead people to sexual exploitation and abuse in dangerous situations. Read our sex guide for some good tips.

Move Out of Home

Once you are financially stable you can move out of home.

Although, if you live in a good family and are happy with your home environment, it is not recommended to move out of home especially if you can save.  If you earn enough money you can find a place by yourself. You can also rent with friends, acquaintances or strangers.  When you have a place of your own, you can begin to stop following the same routine you picked up from your parents.

This will help improve your self-expression skills.

  • Minimalize. You sort through your item’s choosing what you would like to throw out and what you would like to take. If item’s hold memories you don’t wish to take with you. Or if you haven’t used the item in a year, it is recommended to throw it out, give it away or sell it on a website like eBay.
  • Invest in Sex Toys.
  • Use Sexual toys.

Three Women Hugging Photo
Photo: Independence Guide – Family Hug

Introduce Affection in Your Family & Relationships

Sometimes people may not have knowledge about affection or sexuality.  So they may treat the matter with how they have been taught. If you come from an environment that is uncomfortable with affection it is a good idea to reintroduce affection. People can offer different types of affection as one may be more comfortable to do then the other.

With age your parents may neglect to show affection

As they may assume the family member’s may already know it. This may create a boundary between people as it may lead to the expression of affection feeling unnatural. When you go to display your affection be sure to be honest with your attempts. You should display affection not only when people are feeling sad but also when they are happy.

Independence Guide

Affection should be given without expecting anything in return. As you should be concerned with their needs and wants. When you are giving affection some people may be in a hurry, sad, may not have time. Or may dislike what you have given them. Though they may appreciate the intention.

As you get better at displaying affection

It will begin to feel natural because they will get used of it. Your family will hopefully begin to reciprocate your affectionate feelings and actions. So they themselves will be able to express themselves.

If a person appears to be uncomfortable with the affection you should stop immediately. You have the opportunity to ask why it had made the person uncomfortable. They do not have to answer you if they do not wish to. Some people just don’t like affection.

Five Love Languages

There are five different categories of affectionate actions that are known as “love languages”.

These categories include physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Different people use different affectionate actions. You can use these actions to comprehend which language they have been using to display affection.

Different family members will appreciate a certain type of affection of the other. To understand which affectionate method is best it may take some time to learn what they are needing or wanting.


Understand what type of relationship you have

With your parents, siblings, significant other, friendships and acquaintances. A person you may have been friends with a short time most likely won’t be shown the same type of affection a long term friend would be displayed.

You have to change the level of affectionate displayed according to their relationship to you, age and personality type.

What are the 5 Love Languages?

Physical Touch

Show small gestures that display that they are loved. Subtle displays of affection like kissing them on the forehead, place your hand on their shoulder. Or giving them hugs can create a big impact on how they feel about themselves and their views.

Words of Affirmation

Use communication to display affection of how much you care for them. You can provide genuine compliments to show them you appreciate them. Tell them how much you care for them or have missed them throughout the day. Develop authentic interactions that are thoughtful.

If you find yourself breaking down your words go to the extra effort of thinking about what you would like to express. Using the correct words to display that meaning. Spending extra time communicating will show them you are trying. For example, I love your smile can be turned into I love your smile because it brightens up my day. A first sentence display that you find their smile superficially attractive whilst the second sentences reinforces that their happiness means a lot to you.

Or you can complement the foundation of their personality. If you were to say something like “You’re so kind” can be changed to “You always speak with a kind nature that impacts people’s lives”.

Giving Gifts

Give your family gift’s that are personal, thoughtful and tailored to their personality. It could help them be happier by giving them something that they enjoy. You can create your own cards or notes that they can keep so they can re-read them. Sometimes the gift can be picking up the food tab. You do not have to spend a lot of money.

Quality Time

Ask your family out for regular events like lunches, dinners, movies, games and functions. One of the best gift’s, is by providing someone with your personal time to create stronger relationships.

Acts of Service

Be there for them during important occasions and milestones. It can be helping them move, cooking food for them after an operation. Or picking them up from the airport after a long journey. Everything you do will add up and be a big impact on their lives.

Go out of your way to help them with a chore that they normally do. Doing some of their chores will make their life easier. It will surprise them that you have went out of your way to make sure that they are rested up. And can enjoy some more leisure time. Some chores may include cleaning the floor, washing the car or mowing the lawn.