Expectations results of breaking free from a conservative sexual values environment may be quite different to what will actually happen when you try. To keep a balanced view at what can happen you need to look at your expectation Vs results.
For example, you may move out of your house. You may believe as soon as you move out, you will be able to immediately develop your communication skills. But the outcome may be, it took two years to develop your communication skills to be more affectionate.
If you set your expectations to high you will be destined to be unhappy when they are not met.
My Expectations
- Gain a Stable Job. I expected that when I was first employed I would gain small amounts of income to sustain my basic levels of shopping that I wanted to buy plus having enough money to socialise.
- Buy Products. I expected that the product’s I bought would really help my self-esteem issues and I would be able to fit in with my peers easier.
- Creating Healthy Boundaries. I expected this would create conflict with my parent’s lifestyle.
- Move Out of Home. I expected my home environment to be what I would turn it into.
- Introduce Affection. I expected that it would feel uncomfortable and awkward without much change within the family.
My Expectations Results
Employment
Gaining employment through my young adult hood was extremely fun. You get to meet a lot of people who are learning about who they are just as much as you are. Some people will help you along the way, giving you some advice if you ask. You will hopefully be able to gain a social life outside of the home environment and create memories that stimulate growth. Employment will help you build the confidence and encouragement you will need to find a career that you will be happy to work towards.
Products
- Beauty & Health Products. It was difficult finding product’s that worked for me. I began to read online reviews from blogs and trusted websites to find out what worked best for other people. Reading reviews helped me to establish what product’s I should be spending my money on. After I had bought product’s my self-esteem grew marginally.
- Clothes. Gave me the ability to express how I felt which I thought was important during my teenager life. It also gave me away to find out what works for my body type. Clothes established something common to talk about with my peers at school.
- Haircut. I think one of the most fun things to do is to get a haircut. It makes you feel fresh and new. You can get affordable haircuts if you don’t ask for a wash or blow-dry.
Boundaries
- Talk. I found my sibling had similar personality traits to me. They handled the same problems that I had dealt with but in slightly different ways. First day I started sleeping at my boyfriend’s house I was faced with a standoff with my parents. Who eventually spoke with his mother and picked me up. This was the first time that I began to consecutively stay at his house.
- Use Contraception. Contraception has prevented pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted infections.
- Be Aware of Unintended Consequences. I found myself walking into public areas to find secluded places for intimacy.
Affection
At the time, I was personally unaware that introducing affection into my family would help the situation. Introduction of affection for my parent’s was at first uncomfortable slow progression. But had some extremely positive benefits. I found that my family were able to grow closer. It taught my family members that the display of affection was normal.
5 Love Languages
Physical Touch
I offered to kiss them on their forehead and give them hugs. It took about 6 months to a year for them to find it as a normal practice. Provided an uncomfortable but humorous moments that I look back on happily. Physical affection that was given was equally reciprocated with much happiness. I made an open effort to hold hands with my partner in front of them. And say “I love you” every time I greeted him or say goodbye to him. They had gotten used of these practices until it was normal.
Words of Affirmation
I began to say I love you to my parent’s on the telephone or in SMS messages. They were surprised and would always say it back. Would sneak in their own I love you to at random moments. Since we did not say it often, each I love you was special to my family as much as it was to myself.
It was surprisingly uncomfortable to say I love you to my partner.I ignored the awkward feeling and continued to say it anyway.
Giving Gifts
I wrote meaningful cards and bought meaningful gifts. Also asked my family what they wanted as gifts for special occasions. So I would buy them something they needed or wanted. My parent’s began to put more effort into gift giving to. I had already been giving thoughtful gifts to my partner.
Quality Time
I spent time doing Thai Chi with my mother which she found to be funny. Watched more television shows and movies with my father. When our family went out to events, I went to the extra effort of taking photos of the memories we created together. Taking photos made my family happy to be in them and also gave us something to remember the events by. I had already been having quality time with my partner.
Acts of Service
Helped around the house. Made my parent’s lifestyles easier and more relaxing.
Move Out
Moving out of home was extremely fun. But your first apartment probably won’t be as exciting as your future one’s but you’re well on your way to a living a healthy lifestyle.
- Minimalise. I was able to release myself from excess baggage that I felt was holding me back. It created a feeling of making a new start.
- Buy Sex Toys. The first thing I did when I moved out was buy the sex toys I always wanted. They included Lelo Ina, Lelo Ora, Lelo Soraya, Double Bullet Cock Ring, a dildo, JimmyJane Hello Touch and a We-Vibe. I began a thorough process of experimentation. Found myself buying a lot because I had nothing to hold me back. I got to choose whether it was low end or high end, how much money I wanted to spend on it and when I choose to buy it. Ordered them online to ensure that the product’s where freshly picked from a warehouse. And that could carry on with my lifestyle without physically going to a shop.
- Use Sexual Aides. When I moved out I learned about the need for porn. Porn is a sexual aide which became useful to me to make my sexual lifestyle easier when I felt like a change.